Change

It takes a lot of push to actually update a blog.
My mind is too overwhelmed by all the due dates coming near, and the supposed-to-come PMS have decided to leave me alone so that I can settle the rest of the things pending.
 I haven't been having a lot of classes this semester, because currently my sticky friend is FYP and Industrial Training application.

There are so much thoughts in my mind, such urge to feel like writing, but every time when the mind calms down it will just die off.  
I have been learning to control myself recently, trying to change the entire me from inside out.
I am very tired and exhausted of who I am.
Tired of caring too much, tired of knowing too much, tired of avoiding, tired of all the accusations going on.
It is either I need a long break to ground it back to zero again, or I'll have to change myself.

I will try to be less passionate, to know less to care less, trying to be a more studies centered person, trying to think and act neutral, trying not to care too much, trying to keep my expectations low.
I'm learning a new moral value : "Kesederhanaan"
Which is translated as "modesty", but I personally don't feel it right, therefore I'll just keep it the Bahasa Malaysia way.

I will be scared of the new me. It will take me some time to get used of myself.
The happenings of these few weeks and my response to all these happenings had been giving me electric shocks. I am shock of how cool I actually am when I'm handling all those bullshits. I don't argue so much anymore, I'll just keep quiet, or I'll walk off.  You can talk all you want.

I do not want to show my emotions. What good can it do? What expectations from others would you want?
I somehow like this me. So cool, kinda carefree, move a lil slow, observe more and care less.

The weather is turning cold, so is my heart. Everything is dying down as the end of the year approaches.
I remember myself as a sentimental person, not an emotional person.
But slowly I turned emotional as that event happens.
It changed me, it ate me, and it is still eating me.
It changed me literally into someone emotional.

Flowers wither, summer is coming, and soon it will be winter.
My heart felt it. The climate change. Within.


Till the next time. If I am still capable to.