Well it is too complicated right now I can't classify my emotions
First the overwhelming joy knowing that I have actually finished my bachelor degree.
Then the realization of no more study life, and responsibilities towards my education loan, family, self, all fall on to me right after the joyful second.
Me growing up shows the painful truth that family members are growing old and loved ones will eventually leave. I am actually preparing myself for that, persuading myself to accept the fact that people will grow old and the life cycle will go on, but I will NEVER be ready for that. NEVER.
If someone were to ask me which level of life would I go back and pause forever, I will choose childhood. Being loved like a princess by grandparents, seeing them healthy and well at that middle age, relatives hugging me forever praising my long silky hair and cute chubby face, being the favourite girl in the whole family tree, owning the world.
There are too much in life forcing me to move forward, yet equally same amount that pulls me back.
The next step to new life will be a hard one. The choice.
I hate choices, especially choices that have me step out from my comfort zone.
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